PARENTS
If you have any questions please contact us
Help! My child says they're gay!
When your child comes out as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender to you there will be many questions that you want help answering - the first might be what does that mean?
Lesbian: A woman who is attracted solely, or mostly to other women.
Gay: A man who is attracted solely, or mostly to other men.
Bisexual: A man or woman who is attracted to both men and women.
Transgender: A man or woman who feels that they are 'in the wrong body'. (Also referred to as trans)
In reality it's a bit more complicated than that but it should give you an idea of the basic terminology. These sexual and gender identities are often grouped and referred to as LGBT. Wikipedia will give you clearer definitions of the different sexual and gender identities.
The most important thing to remember is if your child tells you this it means that they trust you so much and want to share with you. Think of that as a privilege. Your child has probably worried for a long time about how to tell you, they may have practised and tried many times. Some young people we have worked with have even had a backup plan in case you 'throw them out’; many of those will assume you will.
For some parents this news is unexpected, not all parents 'knew since they were small'. It's okay to feel shocked if you had no idea but to continue to have a deep relationship with your child it is important that even if you are hurt or disagree that you accept them and show them you love them. You might be hurt for a short while; they will be lesbian, gay, or bisexual forever; there is no cure or therapy that will affectively change it. The expectations you have held for your child don't need to change all together, your child can still go to university, get married, and have their own children.
If your child has come out as trans they will living in their own skin until psychological work is done and then possibly biological changes are made. Please get in touch with your GP who should be able to give you some information. If your child is going to transition from one sex to another it is important that you and your family get proper support too, counselling is available through the NHS and there is a support group called Mermaids http://www.mermaidsuk.org.uk/
Your child is supported by equality legislation so that if they are harassed or bullied for who they are, at home, at work, at school or on the street, the police and the courts system will take it seriously.
A useful book to read is by Betty DeGeneres and entitled 'Love, Ellen', it talks about her journey from a traditional, conservative background to acceptance of her gay daughter. The book is available from Amazon. ISBN 978-0688176884
Lesbian: A woman who is attracted solely, or mostly to other women.
Gay: A man who is attracted solely, or mostly to other men.
Bisexual: A man or woman who is attracted to both men and women.
Transgender: A man or woman who feels that they are 'in the wrong body'. (Also referred to as trans)
In reality it's a bit more complicated than that but it should give you an idea of the basic terminology. These sexual and gender identities are often grouped and referred to as LGBT. Wikipedia will give you clearer definitions of the different sexual and gender identities.
The most important thing to remember is if your child tells you this it means that they trust you so much and want to share with you. Think of that as a privilege. Your child has probably worried for a long time about how to tell you, they may have practised and tried many times. Some young people we have worked with have even had a backup plan in case you 'throw them out’; many of those will assume you will.
For some parents this news is unexpected, not all parents 'knew since they were small'. It's okay to feel shocked if you had no idea but to continue to have a deep relationship with your child it is important that even if you are hurt or disagree that you accept them and show them you love them. You might be hurt for a short while; they will be lesbian, gay, or bisexual forever; there is no cure or therapy that will affectively change it. The expectations you have held for your child don't need to change all together, your child can still go to university, get married, and have their own children.
If your child has come out as trans they will living in their own skin until psychological work is done and then possibly biological changes are made. Please get in touch with your GP who should be able to give you some information. If your child is going to transition from one sex to another it is important that you and your family get proper support too, counselling is available through the NHS and there is a support group called Mermaids http://www.mermaidsuk.org.uk/
Your child is supported by equality legislation so that if they are harassed or bullied for who they are, at home, at work, at school or on the street, the police and the courts system will take it seriously.
A useful book to read is by Betty DeGeneres and entitled 'Love, Ellen', it talks about her journey from a traditional, conservative background to acceptance of her gay daughter. The book is available from Amazon. ISBN 978-0688176884
